6 weeks, 4 days: One more day

It's almost here, thank goodness, since I've managed to drive myself insane these last few days. I had a total meltdown this morning after a series of markedly lighter pregnancy tests. Why am I still taking them? Because it makes me feel like I have some measure of control. But, of course, I don't have any control. And the lighter tests -- which may mean doom or may mean nothing at all -- sent me into a tailspin. But tonight, after going to church and taking a luxurious nap, I'm feeling much better. And even if I hadn't taken the tests these last few days, I'm sure I would have found something else to panic about with the ultrasound 24 hours away. It will take a long time to recover from the rounds of failed treatment and the scary ultrasounds; even if everything is okay tomorrow, I will need to fight the feeling that I'm simply waiting for the other shoe to drop. Although I'm not feeling confident about tomorrow, at least I have some hope back. The appointment is in mid-afternoon.