Physically, recovery has been a lot harder than I anticipated. I'm still having a fair amount of pain and other discomfort. Although I haven't done anything silly like go to the gym, or even walk the dog, I did have to get right back to writing my final when I probably should have taken a day or two to sleep this experience off. I don't think there's anything wrong: no fever or other signs of infection. It'll just take time. I'm heading to San Diego for Mother's Day. I know the travel will be physically draining, but I think running away to beautiful SoCal will be worth it for the soul.
As committed as I am to moving forward and doing another cycle, I have begun to have a nagging worry. In two years, we've had two pregnancies, both of which have ended in miscarriage. There doesn't appear to be anything wrong with my uterus, lining, or hormone levels; in fact, my body was showing no signs of letting this pregnancy go before the d&c, even though the fetus had passed at least a week before. Almost certainly, both miscarriages have been the result of bad embryos with chromosomal problems. I worry that maybe we can't make a healthy embryo. I worry that even if we get twice as many eggs next time, they'll still be bad and we'll have to go through this again.
I'll probably talk to the doctor about this next week. I suspect he'll tell me it's just been bad luck and we have a good chance of getting a good one next time. But I'm still curious about what he'll say.
I found a cool new blog today, with an awesome video for infertility awareness week. (Warning: if you have epilepsy or are otherwise prone to seizures, don't watch it. The choppy editing is a bit discombobulating.) The video is cool, and I love that the author named her blog after two of the barren matriarchs.
HT: Mo
Thoughts on Enshittification
16 hours ago
4 comments:
I hope you had a lovely trip and feel much better soon!
I've had 4 pregnancies with 2 miscarriages (the first when I was just 30, the second at 35). I know the statistical odds are supposed to be something like 67% chance of things going well, but I feel the same way as you - my odds are shitty! :-) THAT said, you've just had bad luck. I don't know if this is awful or aweSOME, but after my second miscarriage, Jackson told me "we have such wonderful wheat, we have to have a lot of chaff." You are going to have some wonderful wheat, my friend.
Get a good message to help you relieve the emotional and physical tensions you have as you prepare for your next cycle.
Sending clensing and healing thoughts...
S
Niamh - your comments are always so encouraging! Thank you! The doctor basically said the same thing today -- only 30 percent of embryos actually become babies.
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