6 weeks, 5 days: 50-50

We were able to see a heartbeat this morning. But the fetus is much too small (almost a week behind) and the hb is very slow. Based on the ultrasound, Dr. R. put our chances at 50-50. He then sent me for bloodwork. The bloodwork, big surprise, came back borderline too. My hormone levels are consistent with the size of the fetus, but are too low for 6 weeks, 5 days.

Seeing the heartbeat was really exciting! I could see the little blinking light right away; there was definitely no mistaking it.

But I am feeling sad, discouraged, frustrated, and exhausted. It's like we can't catch a break. This cycle has been borderline all along, and I know that our pokey little guy could still catch up. But I was really ready to see a strong heartbeat and to graduate into the 5% chance of miscarriage bracket. I feel like it would almost have been better to see this morning that the pregnancy had already failed; then we would at least know and we could move forward. But instead we're still in limbo.

We go back in a week. Hopefully we'll learn something more certain then.

6 weeks: The Right Start

Last night, a student group I advise hosted a benefit for OKC Youth United, a support group for GLBT youth in the metro. In particular, we helped fundraise for the alternative prom they're throwing later this month. We figure we got this kid off to the right start by taking it to a gay club and exposing it to drag queens and burlesque dancers. Got to start the open-mindedness early, right? Hopefully we'll be forgiven for the secondhand smoke I inhaled in the process.

Still no symptoms; I've never wished for vomiting more in my life!

5 weeks, 5 days: Still here, still anxious

One week since the last blood test, one week to go until the u/s. As far as I know I'm still pregnant. But I sure would like some reassurance that things are progressing! I'm just a bundle of anxiety all the time. I wish my nonstop exhaustion could be reassuring, but worrying causes exhaustion just as much as pregnancy, I suspect!

But I will continue to distract myself with brainstorming baby names and imagining nursery decor. There's a fun Motherlode post today about picking the wrong baby name. Oh the pressure!

5 weeks, 2 days: T minus 10

Ultrasound is scheduled for next Thursday, April 15! Can't hardly wait!

5 weeks: Thank you

Just a quick note to say thank you for your joy and support yesterday. We feel so blessed to be surrounded by so much love. And we're a little overwhelmed by how lucky this little bean is to be so loved already.

Of course, after 22 hours of the giddy, I woke up this morning to abject terror: why do I have no symptoms? did something go terribly wrong overnight? This is going to be a long, long six weeks. I know from reading other IF bloggers that this fear is normal; but it doesn't make it any easier!

17dp3dt = 4 weeks, 6 days pregnant

Yes, indeed, we are counting pregnancy now! The hCG this morning was fantastic: over 800! We needed a minimum of 300, so this is awesome. There are many big hurdles left, starting with an ultrasound in about two weeks when we'll need to see a spinal cord and hopefully a heartbeat (though the heartbeat can wait a few more weeks, as long as we see the spinal cord). It's still pretty scary, but I think I might be able to relax for at least a few hours!

Estimated due date: December 4, 2010.

16dp3dt: Yesterday and tomorrow

As of yesterday morning, I was still pregnant, according to a home pregnancy test. (Honestly, I should have bought stock.) I'm going in tomorrow morning for the re-draw, since next week is crazy. I'll have news by the afternoon.