14 weeks: The healing

Today marks the second trimester!  I already feel like I've been pregnant forever; I hope the next 24-25 weeks go more quickly.  Now that we're back and busy with schoolwork, I suspect they will.

When Zack first arrived, I was still scarred by the infertility, and his traumatic delivery and refusal to breastfeed made it worse.  I felt like my body kept failing.  The OB who delivered Zack said it would be better "next time," because we'd schedule a c-section.  I didn't want a next time -- I wanted a hysterectomy.  The pediatrician said I could, "breastfeed his sister."  I couldn't imagine a sister -- what were the odds, given how hard it was to get Zack????

But now ... it looks like there will be a next time.  I am sure there are other ways to find healing.  Most infertility veterans are not the urban legends who miraculously become pregnant after treatment.  But for me, the dark times are suddenly very far away.  I thought I would carry these visible scars forever.  But right now, the only visible scar is from the c-section, and that one is pretty ordinary.