And we're back...

With an unexpected surprise: I am 9 weeks, 5 days pregnant! 

We are overjoyed, and overwhelmed.  Z is nearly 16 months, a tornado of energy, immensely fun and frustrating all at the same time.  Although I don't know where we will summon the energy, it was important to us for Z to have a sibling.  As a friend said to me today, siblings are with you longer than anyone else, longer than parents, longer than spouses.  Z needs that person in his life.  And so we decided to start trying, figuring we'd try on our own, maybe with some drugs, before deciding whether to seek more help from the wizard or consider adoption.

And before I could even take the first dose of Clomid, a positive pregnancy test!  Having never seen one of those without medical help, we're still in a bit of shock.  I didn't even have any pregnancy tests at home, unlike those early days of trying when I was well stocked, sure that this month would be the month.  On a hunch, I sent B out to buy the cheapest ones he could find.  When that second line appeared, I was convinced that it was a false positive.  So I took the other two in the package.  And then I went out and bought a more expensive one.  Four tests later, I called the doctor to get a blood test.  The blood work came back great, better than any of the previous three pregnancies, including the one that brought us Z. 

Then we waited.  We were out of town, so the ultrasound was much delayed.  But on Saturday -- and again yesterday -- we saw a healthy, squirmy baby with hands and feet and a strong heartbeat.  Wow. 

I felt a bit sheepish at the OB yesterday.  She had clearly reviewed our file and knew Z was an IVF baby.  Her first question was whether this pregnancy was a surprise.  "No.  We were trying."  Then she asked how long.  "Ummm ... basically the first try."  And then I proceeded to stick my foot in my mouth by replying that we wanted that first trimester screening for Down Syndrome because "I'm too old not to."  Yeah, she's the same age and apparently single.  Ooops.  But we liked her and think it'll be a good relationship the next seven months.

One cool moment -- the nurse asked me why I wasn't seeing the midwife again.  I replied that I'd had a c-section with Z.  She said, "Are you sure you don't want to try a VBAC?"  Uh, no, given how scary Z's delivery was.  But I loved that she asked -- a major teaching hospital in a major city actually asking if I wanted to try a VBAC!  Good on them!

This pregnancy already feels so different.  I was anxious every minute of every day of the 38 weeks and 6 days with Z.  But I'm so much calmer this time around.  I wouldn't say I'm confident; I know all too well what can go wrong, and I continue to read devastating news on blogs every day.  But the anxiety is down to more normal levels, which is so nice.  I'm also much queasier, and it started much earlier.  And I'm already in maternity pants!  There will be no keeping this a secret for long!  I "came out" at work today, as we already have to start planning for the spring term.

Z is nearly running everywhere.  He is so close to talking, we can all taste it.  He has several useful signs ("More, please!!!! is common), so communicating is getting easier, although we can't always tell what he wants "more" of.  He loves books and climbing and being outside.  He loves to play ball.  He's a great eater and, usually, a sleeper.  He knows what the rules are ("stay here," "no touch"), and defies them with a maniacal laugh (that's the frustrating part!).  He plays peekaboo and loves to tease.  He regularly stops his frenetic play for a hug.  He basically thinks that every moment of every day is the greatest ever.   We must be doing something right.