The boy is fat and gorgeous! He's started to smile this week. They're hard to come by, fleeting, and few and far between. But they're full of joy. He squints his eyes and grins from ear to ear. Hopefully soon they'll be consistent enough that we can capture one on camera.
But, like the rest of this journey to parenthood, things have been harder than I expected. After the intervention it took to get pregnant, I so much wanted a natural childbirth and delivery. Drug-free was out the window by the time we got to triage on April 12. And then the c-section (for which we are thankful) meant the rest of the "birth plan" was tossed. Happily, I have been able to make a ton of milk (and the rolls of fat on the boy indicate it's good stuff). But he's never latched. Finally in the last week, he's latched and sucked a bit with the help of a nipple shield. But it's not consistent, regular, or long enough for me to think that he'll ever be able to get enough nutrition that way. He seems to use it more as a paci than anything else. And so I keep pumping. After a bout with plugged ducts and a mild infection, I'm pumping about six times a day, virtually every time he eats. When I'm on my own with him, it means that each feed takes hours between feeding him, pumping, and washing the parts. And it seems that each time I get a plugged duct clear, another crops up.
So I've been thinking about giving it up and switching to formula. But those thoughts leave me on the verge of tears. I'm not ready to give up the one thing my body has done well (other than grow a gorgeous baby, of course!). And I'm not ready to deprive him of all these good nutrients. But I'm not sure I can keep this up. So I'm wondering if there's a way to reduce my supply without shutting it down entirely. If I could pump 2-3 times a day, getting just enough for half his feeds and supplementing with formula, this seems a lot more sustainable. I imagine I could try with a decongestant/antihistamine and maybe ice. But I'm afraid that the milk will dry up completely. Any brilliant wisdom out there?
In the meantime, we're experimenting with baby-wearing. After reading this article, I had decided not to buy a Bjorn. I've carried enough babies in Bjorns to buy that dangling from the pelvis is problematic. But we've got a giant newborn. The Ergo itself is super-comfy, but he's just way too big for the infant insert. I tried him without the insert yesterday, but he doesn't have enough head control yet. And I felt like his legs were spread way too far apart. Because of his size, the Moby just isn't great in the newborn position either. I spent some time with him in it last night in the regular hug hold position. It was super-comfy. But his legs aren't naturally spread out yet, so he's technically not supposed to be in that position either. (Plus, Brent finds the Moby to be really hot.)
So I broke down and bought a Bjorn. It's definitely the right size, though the back support is not nearly as good as the Ergo. And it's definitely not the natural position for his legs. So what to do? Stick with the Bjorn because it seems to be the best of not great options? Buy a ring sling off of Etsy and try that? He's so heavy, I'm afraid that would kill my back too.
I'll take brilliant advice and wisdom on either of these issues. In the meantime, I'm going to go back to snuggling and kissing the little guy. And as Sprogblogger said, "It'll All Work Out."
Thoughts on Enshittification
17 hours ago
9 comments:
Ugh. So sorry you're dealing with this. It WILL work out - it's just so damned hard when things don't go the way we really KNOW they should. Thinking of you and your big boy.
Oh - and as far as carriers go - Henry couldn't do the Ergo until he was maybe 4 mos old & he got flexible enough to have his legs so far apart (and, yeah, the infant insert doesn't actually work with the big boys!) We did have great luck with a ring sling, and I still use it for an extra bit of help carrying him when we're going to be walking a ways, but not far enough to strap on the big ole ergo - Might give it a try - it'll free up at least one arm, though until H had full head control I used one arm/hand to steady/support his head. Loved it - still do, actually, though we use it more like a hip-sling now.
Thinking of you & hoping that the nursing starts getting easier - good luck with reducing your supply--I hope that makes it easier on both of you.
You know how much our older one was in the Bjorn, which hasn't seemed to hurt his soccer prowess one bit!
My milk did dry up when I started pumping/feeding less frequently, but it took a while. If you're very consistent with the times each day, I've heard it's often doable (as with women who breastfeed every morning night but not in between when they're at work). The pumping-feeding-cleaning routine gets fatiguing quickly, as you've seen.
Ultimate advice: happy mommy, happy baby! Good luck, and I'll be there in a few weeks!
You know how much our first was in the Bjorn, and it hasn't seemed to hurt his soccer prowess!
My milk started drying up when I stopped feeding/pumping as much and was less consistent. If you pump very consistently at the exact same times each day, as some women do before and after work each day or at bedtime, the milk can sometimes last months. The pumping-feeding-cleaning routine can quickly get old, as you see.
Ultimate advice: happy mommy, happy baby! And I'll see you in a few weeks!
I think you need a mei-tai carrier at this point. You frog-leg him in it since his legs are not long enough to wrap around, and the back is high enough to support his head and will evenly distribute his weight on your body. I have the babyhawk brand.
Also, it is possible to get donor human milk, for free. Try entering this in a FB search: Human Milk 4 Human Babies Global Network.
But much love and courage to you.
I wear a sleepy wrap with my 11 week old son and he weighs around 13lbs, he is not small. I wear him in the love your baby hold still and he loves it. IT is hot and if not tied tight enough it can cause problems. But he loves it. He is all snuggled close and falls asleep everytime. I just wear a tank top and it is not to bad to wear. I just am sweaty when done. YOu can buy them at target.
I am sure you remember the ring sling that Theo LIVED in, followed by Max. Love that thing.
I hear you on nursing, Theo never latched and after a tearful, PAINFUL, duct clogged few weeks (did I mention PAINFUL) I ended up pumping for months and having Taylor do formula for all night feedings (I never pumped at night, only during the day). It worked and Theo got the best of both worlds but it is REALLY HARD ON YOU...I'm here if you want to talk about...
Hugs,
S
Boy I hated the pumping routine with the triplets...I did it for 10 months and supplemented with formula because my supply just wasn't up to feeding 3. I remember the cleaning, the bottles, everything. And then with Chloe, it all fit--no bottles, all breastfeeding. The reason I had such success with her is that I decided to try a professional lactation consultant several times before giving up.
Before you try to reduce your milk supply, I would hire a GOOD lactation consultant (see La Leche League). It can be expensive ($50-$75 an hour) but it would just might work. It might help you to work through the difficult period of getting rid fo the nipple shield and forcing him to learn to latch. When you nurse, the baby sucks harder than the pump ever could so plugged ducts are much more rare.
As for reducing the supply, just pump less often and your body gets used to it over about 2 weeks. I just think that you might find what you need from a good lactation consultant who can help with the latch. Breastfeeding is hard--but definitely not as hard as pumping and bottle-feeding. That is so difficult.
Sorry to be so late at joining the conversation. I know all too well the pump, feed, clean everything then repeat routine. I did it for more than a month while I was healing from multiple infections (if you want the gory details, send me an email, but it's safe to say they make clogged ducts look like a walk in the park). Anyway, I very much understand the strain of that routine and yet the desire to provide your own milk for your baby.
If the thought of stopping has you on the verge of tears, I concur that you should try everything before stopping. A good lactation specialist is really worthwhile and if that doesn't solve the problem, give yourself a pat on the back for a job well-done and move forward with whatever is going to work for BOTH of you. You're a great Mom no matter how you feed your baby!
On the baby wearing...I have been dealing with the very same issue! Snugglewrap http://www.snugglewrapbabycarriers.com/ (like a Moby, but a bit less wide) was working, but tough to keep tight enough with a relatively heavy baby when walking long distances, and baby is too big for the Beco with the infant insert but too young to go without it, and the sling? The kid practically wails the moment it comes out of the closet. Thanks to the comment from Lee, I got a Babyhawk yesterday and it is the perfect solution. Big thumbs up and worth every penny so far!
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